Posts Tagged ‘joke’

Happy Deathday, Internet Explorer!

12th January 2016

To celebrate the long-awaited, joyous death of Internet Explorer 8, 9 and 10 I baked a deathday cake for them.

The IE logo is made of blueberries which is crossed out with raspberries on top of a quark/mascarpone/custard cream on a chocolate/nut sponge base.

The crudest advances ever

15th August 2014

The following conversation just happened to me (pretty much word for word) while standing at Hackney Central waiting for the bus.

Random guy:
How old are you?
Me:
Why do you wanna know?
Random guy:
You’re beautiful.
Me:
Erm… thanks…
Random guy:
How old are you?
Me:
37
Random guy:
Do you have a boyfriend?
Me:
Can you please leave me alone?
Random guy:
You’ve got big tits!
Me:
(unbelieving pause)
I know!
Random guy:
Why do you have big tits?
Me:
I was born with them… Can you please leave me alone?
Random guy:
Do you have a big arse?
Me:
I don’t know… it depends on the definition.
Random guy:
(walks around me to have a look himself)
You do have a nice, big arse… You can do lots of things with that!
Me:
(thinking he can’t be so crass and genuinely thinking he would say something unexpected)
Like what?
Random guy:
Have sex!
Me:
Everyone can have that… Can you please leave me alone!
(I wanted to say “You seriously don’t need to have a big arse to have sex!?” but didn’t.)
Random guy:
Do you wanna have sex with me?
Me:
No, thanks!
Random guy:
We can make baby.
Me:
No, thanks!
Random guy:
We can make baby here and now!
Me:
I’m not interested. Can you please leave me alone?!?
Random guy:
(goes silent and catches his bus a minute later)

I didn’t feel harassed as a) it was so short, b) he wasn’t sleazy but casual, c) he kept his physical distance and d) it was more funny to me than anything. But next to me was a woman with two children, which makes this conversation a bit less fun. It also makes me wonder what the chances are that any woman might say Yes to such crude advances (in broad daylight, while not being drunk)? He must have had success with that at some point in the past otherwise he wouldn’t do it!?

How a Cat got me lots of Visitors

3rd June 2011

When I blogged the funny picture of My Neighbour’s Sh*ved P*ssy, it had a side effect I didn’t expect: I got over 35,000 page views per month solely from searches for “sh*ved p*ssy” and all its variants.

80 variations of "Sh*ved P*ssy"

80 variations of "Sh*ved P*ssy" (click image to see all)

Okay, it’s actually not that surprising. But when I posted the picture, I didn’t think that far. However, the funniest thing is this list of 80 search queries I found in my Google Webmaster tools, all more or less synonyms of the term “sh*ved p*ssy”.

(By the way, I’m not using the asterisks because I’m ashamed of writing the actual words. I just like to avoid to invite even more visitors who don’t really want to be here.)

My Neighbour’s Shaved Pussy

7th October 2010

No, I don't know what happened to that poor cat. I guess it must have had some kind of surgery ...

Silent Twittering

27th June 2009

I am not a ‘Twitter person’. Watching Hugh Laurie a few weeks ago on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross saying he is none as well was a joy. But when he uttered the following joke, he gave away a splendid idea for a sensational new micro blogging site:

I’m not a ‘Twitter person’ … I’m more of a ‘Shh person’. I subscribed to this ‘Shh network’, where you write something down, but don’t send it anywhere.

I thought someone might have picked this idea up or had the same idea before, but my short search for such an (obviously hoax) service was unsuccessful. So, I created one myself:

Shh…

Apart from the fun of “cloning” Twitter, writing a better front-end code and having the satisfying feeling of implementing a small project all in one day, I also had the idea of twittering silence on twitter itself. You can follow my as interesting as everybody else’s tweets on:

@_shh

By the way, I needed the underscore because a twitter user called ‘shh’ already existed … as did ‘shhh’ … and ‘shhhh’ … and ‘shhhhh’ … I could have taken ‘shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’, but maybe that wouldn’t have been such a good idea. Seems a bit desperate, doesn’t it?

These two projects are really a bit unrelated. They serve the purpose of linking to each other. (Yeah, my middle name is “PR”. Or was it “SEO”? Where is your birth certificate when you need it?)
And, of course, they share the same philosophy: “Silent twittering” for fun and more privacy awareness.